10.13.2011

BLUNT FORCE DRAMA: PARTY ETIQUETTE

alright people, it's time for us to be frank about party-going etiquette. don't think of this as emily post type of etiquette-- rather, what we are about to bring to your attention are a few basic party guidelines you should know by now if you are socially adjusted.

ok here goes:

1. TIME OF ARRIVAL-- basically, know the difference between a drop-by and a you-better-be-here-at-8:30-because-it's-a-damn-surprise party.

2. ALCOHOL CONSUMPTION-- yeah yeah, don't suck down a bottle of green apple vodka before 11 p.m. (duh, that stuff's awful), but more importantly, if your host provides beer-- especially good beer-- don't take two sips and leave the bottle to be discovered the next morning in righteous indignation. if you take two sips and decide you don't like it, at least have the decency to give it to someone who will. finish your beer folks. there are sober people who clean up the next morning.

3. MUSICAL ACCOMPANIMENT-- unless you are asked by someone cooler than yourself or you're the tallest man on earth, don't bring your guitar to the party. just don't. oh, and don't sing. no one wants to talk over your poor rendition of a maroon 5 song.

4. IPOD COMMANDEERING-- if you take it upon yourself to change the music at a party, consider the crowd dynamics before making a song selection. if people are dancing for instance, don't put on hotel california just because you know all the words from playing guitar hero 4 years ago. also, don't assume everyone will love the same indie-hogwash you do. a good rule of thumb: when in doubt, play no doubt. #notreally

5. WHEN TO LEAVE-- right before you get super annoying.

if at any point, you realized that you are in fact guilty of one (or all) of the above, take a little sabbatical from the party circuit. sweep up the scraps of dignity you have left, wait a year or two, and try again.

-THE HUNTER

4 comments:

suzy said...

haha...love this. love your site.

Celeste said...

Amen.

LITTLE CHIEF said...

thank you!! this post was the product of a recent party experience...

hannah margaret said...

number five. amen times infinity.