- EL CAPITÁN
it's football season in america. in celebration of weekends where manliness is on full display, we decided to... watch football. ok and maybe drink beer, tailgate and wave giant american flags too. what can we say? we love the sport, we love (most) of the men who play it, and well, it's pretty damn entertaining. here's a little monday masculinity for y'all...
and if you're just a die-hard, we recommend this manly coffee table book or this wilson gst ncaa game ball to have casually displayed amidst the salsas on your $4,000 stainless-steel ultimate tailgate machine.
and we can't forget our manly football men of olde!
#18 looks kinda cute, right?
alright, even if you don't like football, you can still appreciate the men who play, right? we do.
happy manly monday. (are you ready for some football?? some monday night par-tayy?? oh-- what's that? hank williams said what?? well shoot. there goes the best part of monday night.)
it's thursday morning. it's also 50 degrees and raining. class starts in five minutes and we've made it up the three flights of stairs to your class.
now, it should go without saying-- the last thing we want to listen to for the next hour and a half is your incredibly ill-informed political bullshi-- we mean, opinions.
here's our beef with you, professor X:
-your pseudo-class, by catalog description, is an upper-level english course. in fact, it's a degree requirement for english majors. how did this happen?? did tinker bell approve this? we spend the first half of class--every class--discussing the evils of no child left behind and how george dubya really effed over the entire american educational system and the second half complaining about sexism in the workplace. we get it-- you're a jaded woman with all the answers. but every class? it's been almost 8 weeks. time to change it up.
-you "teach" on your rather ample ass. slouching over a table and slurping coffee from your eco-friendly (plastic) mug does not stir the minds of young and eager scholars.
-every class you ask, "alright, what time is it? are we done yet?" with nearly forty minutes of class left. we pay dearly for college, ma'am. oh-- sorry. we forgot ma'am is insulting.
-maybe we're old-fashioned, but isn't complaining about your salary with your pupils rather unprofessional?
-your favorite topic, besides no child left behind and women's rights, is universal health care. here's our problem with that idea--- we don't want to pay extra for a health care plan that covers your type two diabetes because you're 400 pounds. or gum disease because you smoke a pack a day.
ok, ok we'll get off our soapbox now. but really-- you have a PhD. teach like it.